Audu’s inconclusive death, Mugabe’s wheelchair by Reuben Abati

Very brilliant article by former presidential spokesperson, Reuben Abati...read below...
“You look sleepy”
“My brother, let’s just say I slept at a fuel station, looking for fuel.”
“For which of the women in your life, because I hear these days, to please a woman in Nigeria, you must be ready to supply the three major things lacking in the land: money, fuel, and happiness.”
“Leave that matter, please. My condolences on the death of your man, Governor Abubakar Audu”
“We thank God for his life. He played his part.”
"“To be so close to breasting the tape and then fall.”
“I know. I know. May be if he had not insisted on running again for the office of Governor in Kogi state, he would still be alive today.”

“The man drove himself too hard, publicly and privately. He ran for every Gubernatorial election in Kogi state since 1991. There must be something special in being Governor for him.”
“Don’t speak ill of the dead, I beg you. Simple etiquette.”
“But you know now?”
“I don’t know nothing”
“Then the man went and married a young, 23-year old. If the election had been concluded and the man had won, the First Lady of Kogi state would have been a 23-year old lady! Those who seek public office should always weigh their lifestyle and their health against their ambition, but politicians act as if they are superhuman.”
“Can you stop?”
“A 74-year old man, with a 23-year old wife. That alone is enough to give anybody hypertension.”
“He was 68”
“Official age. He was 74, somebody told me.”
“Excuse me! Respect the dead, please.  Abubakar Audu was a democrat extraordinary, a courageous politician, a visionary, selfless, man of the people, and his party’s popular choice.”
“My view is that it is not the election in Kogi that is inconclusive per se, a supplementary election will be organized, a winner will emerge; it is Audu’s death that is inconclusive considering the many issues it has thrown up.”
“What kind of talk is that? Death is final. It is the cessation of all things, a necessary end.”
“Nothing has ended with Abubakar Audu’s death oh. Did you not see the desperate efforts made to get some Prophets to resurrect him? And some people actually believed that he could be the Lazarus of our time!  They started jubilating.”
“That is concrete proof of his popularity. But I was shocked seeing Nigerians will believe anything, and being so superstitious. Even the grave diggers stopped digging, waiting for the prophets to perform a miracle.”
“I hear there was a meeting of the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) on the Kogi election but the moment the prophets waded in, even INEC suspended its meeting and did not reconvene until the prophets failed.”
“Only in Africa!”
“When the Prophets didn’t deliver, people got angry. They could have lynched those Prophets”
“Well, at least, some people will now know that the prophets are not always right in the age of biology and science.  Who could have been behind such a hare-brained scheme?”
“The man’s in-laws, for example.
“Oh, come on”
“Or persons who may have been promised appointments and contracts. Or it could be persons who invested in his candidacy. Elections in Nigeria are business investments. The investors must have thought of a last minute strategy to reverse the situation. Simple economics. ”
“You and your theories. The same people will do business with whoever eventually wins the election, anyway.”
“There is also the inconclusive matter of the 23-year old wife.  When the death was announced, many commentators on social media were more concerned about the young widow. Comments about how she will cope, what she would do next. One guy asked for her phone numbers.”
“Stupid, callous fellow.”
“Another fellow actually said he was ready to inherit all of Audu’s assets and liabilities in that regard.”
“Let him go ahead. Ole!”
“Besides, Audu’s death has turned everybody into a Constitutional expert. What happens if a candidate dies in the course of an inconclusive election? Who becomes the new cand