Thanks to Sociologists , they made us understand that Recent longitudinal studies have reported that most divorced people are no happier after divorce, sociologist Linda Waite analyzed the relationships between marriage, divorce and happiness using the National Survey of Family and Households. She reported that unhappily married adults who had divorced were no happier than those who had stayed married. Some studies report that cohabitation before marriage is correlated with an increased divorce rate which i highly disagreed with because I personally did that for many years without a flimsy of regret. Let look at this , A I copied from www.Nairaland.com '' My name is Helen, a 34-year-old woman. I have been married for 10 years with three lovely kids but as I write this, that marriage that was once happy is heading for the rocks. The reason for this is that I am neck deep in adultery » and it is affecting my marriage and family.
I know many will blame me for allowing myself to fall into the temptation but before you condemn me, you will have to hear me out.
My husband, Felix , actually pushed me into the arms of another man and since then, I have found it difficult to stop.
It happened about two years ago when Felix changed and became quite something else. The once loving husband and father suddenly became a monster, keeping different women, going away for weeks without telling me where he was.
Anytime I complained, he would beat me up for daring to question him. I knew something was amiss and tried my best to get him to talk but he refused.
I later found out that he was dating another woman and had rented an apartment for her and was taking care of her kids''
Does the reason the above wittier gave justifiable in anyway ? There are uncountable reasons couples gave for their divorces, few are enumerated below :
I should not put this in number one but majority of couples shy away from it and is one of the first reason that leads to many divorce , i. No sex. Or not enough sex. Sex is important. Finito. End of conversation. You want to make it past the 20 year mark, you better have that bedroom stuff on lock and be very good to perform your primary assignment as a married person because without sex no procreation which is one of the cogent reason for marriage ,also the pleasure derived from sex can not be over exaggerated and its even depends on individual some cannot go a week without it while some goes months without it. The number two on my thought is as important as number one but let me anchor it here to give room for another very important point , many usually take caution of it before climbing the alter ; ii. Money issues. It could be anything having to do with settling bills: One person is too controlling with the finances, or one person spends everything, or you just have different view points about how money should be dealt with. A former boss wrote, he Married for over 20 years. He was the main earner. She brought up the kids. When the kids left home she went out to work for the first time in their marriage. At the end of the first month he expects them to put both their respective wages together to pay the bills. She abjectly refused. Said it was her money. She brought up the kids and now having this extra money is her due/reward. I Conventionally that should be the norms but in a real African's Life is not realistic because couple are believed to have a single purse. My next point dwells on what caused most recent Divorces ; Cheating. A lot of home scattered because of this, especially our so called - celebrities find it very difficult to cope with a cheating partner , but no thanks to these present days girls , they can frustrate we men hen , I want to be liberal with the usage of the term "boinking" to describe the cheating, which I fully support. A colleague wrote, "Wasn't me but happened in my family. They were married for 22 years. The wife was cheating on him for a few years ... with her best friend ... who was also a family-friend. The husband and wife agreed to split amicably and the rest of the family were all really supportive, including the kids. As hard as it is to find out your partner has been cheating on you, I couldn't just understand the moral justification for cheating , because Yoruba says " Bi Iyawo ban se Agbere bi ko ba pa oko , yio pa arare". The reason some gave for cheating usually errupts from point i. and ii.
The next point is not so common around this part of the world , Empty nesting. So many time i read about stories of people staying together for the kids thank God not common in Africa but so common in the west. They must know that this is often terrible for the kids?Here is another big factor Bad communication. Long-term relationships require a ton of talking it out, and changing and growing behavior because of these talks. If either or both parties are shut down to each other, this isn't going to happen and the relationship will crumble , I used to have a girlfriend who like talking for hours , she doesn't usually complain about money but she complained about our communication gap. Also some people are in the habit of I am the man as such anything I say is the final no room for compromising. As aarmor put it, "You can communicate all you want, but communication makes no difference if there is no compromise. Then this last is also very important Not being kind and generous with the other person. Why some relationships work and some don't, and it comes down to kindness and generosity. If you give your partner the benefit of the doubt and are generous with their bids for attention, you can survive anything!To leave this kinda depressing article on a happy note, let's read this short story from a Close Office-Daddy about making love work. He said "No evidence other than my own experience. Married about 32 years ago because our son was born a few months before that. Both moms decided it was time for us to marry so we did. Very tough times for two (2) decades but almost everything that happened pushed us closer, we chose to be unified even if we disagreed. Now empty nest for 10 years and we get closer every year. We both still feel giddy about Friday night together, music and a drink(s) with the weekend coming up. It is deep love, deeper than the beginning. There remain moments of intense desire to be with her, see her special smile and know that I'm part of her happiness and she strive to make our mistake such of inspiration for others in our situation. Stay bless till you read how we can reduce the rate of Divorces in our Society . Written and Complied by Adewuyi Ayodeji
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